She left me alone
by Raspberry Muffin
Summary: One look at the paramedics face, the sorrow in his eyes proved me right. So I lied to her."


A/N, this came from watching Fallout 1 and 2 way too many times.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Too bad huh?  
  
She lay on the stretcher apologizing to me. I was asking her about Barry, and the other hostages, when I saw it. I saw the looks that passed between the paramedics, the looks of helplessness and sympathy. In that instant I wished I was apologizing to her.  
Apologizing for never telling her how I feel. Apologizing for letting her go into that bookstore in the first place. Apologizing for not being able to save her. I reached out to caress her cheek gently, wanting to get rid of the spot of blood that was blemishing her otherwise perfect skin. She opened her eyes, already fading, already with a shadow in them, a shadow of death, and asked me if it was bad. One look at the paramedics face, the sorrow in his eyes proved me right. So I lied to her. "You will be fine." I said choking back my own tears. "I love you Samantha Spade." I said whispering my final piece to her, letting a tear fall down on her face.  
Samantha smiled, her eyes growing dark and falling shut for the final time. "I love you too Martin Fitzgerald." were the last word ever to fall from her lips. With a tiny sigh she breathed her last breath and left my life. So peacefully, she could be sleeping.  
I stood back, tearing blurring my vision, as I realised she was gone. Forever. She left me alone, numb standing in the street. The paramedics rushed over to her, but it was too late, I knew it, they knew it. Nothing could be done, nothing we could do to save her. One of them came over to me, his words barely managing to cut through the fog in my brain. "I'm so sorry." he whispered.  
I remember walking, collapsing onto a nearby bench my thoughts overwhelming me. I felt numb, I couldn't believe what had just happened right in front of me. I looked at my hands, they were shaking and I felt incredibly cold on this warm summer's night. The moon was high up in the sky, giving the night a peaceful, eerie feel. It was ironic, that her last night was so peaceful and so beautiful, like her.  
There was so much I should have done. So much she was missing out on, so much we should have done together, first date, first kiss. That amazing feeling, when you knew they were the one. I felt like I was choking, gasping for breath, now it finally hit me. Samantha was gone, dead. I glanced over at the stretcher that seemed so far away, a white sheet covering it.  
I began sobbing, a grown man sobbing like his heart was breaking, which mine was. We should have done something earlier. Got Samantha out. It pained me to think that she had spent her last few hours in that situation, with complete strangers. She had spent her last few hours, lying on the floor, bleeding to death. Wondering if she would be alright. We should have been quicker. Then maybe this would be a dream. Any minute now Samantha would come up behind me and tease me for crying. I looked hopefully behind me praying for a miracle, but I saw only dark buildings and street lamps.  
She wouldn't be there. She would never be there. Only in my imagination. I would never see her in the office, working late, her long golden hair falling everywhere. See her turn and smile at me in such a way that would light up a whole room. Never joke, laugh or smile with her again. Just to feel her presence in the same room I was.  
There is no breeze, and the sense of death hangs in the air. A stale feel, and something very unsettling, it seems everyone has been affected by it. People are sombre, upset, all aware something tragic has happened. I get up and slowly walk back. I realise that all the hostages are out except Jack. Libby, Ted and Fran stare at the covered stretcher in shock. Libby falling to the floor in tears, Fran comforting her also crying. Ted staring disbelievingly.  
Tears are still pouring down my face, I walk over to the stretcher wanting to make sure, what if there was a mistake? What if she was just asleep? I should be helping her, getting her to hospital. Be there holding her hand when she wakes up.  
A paramedic tries to stop me but I push past him. Pulling the sheet back, I see her. I see the face of my love, cold, unmoving. A few tears fall on to her face, and I wish she would wake up. I grasp her cold hand in mine, trying to squeeze life back in. She won't wake up, I realize. She's not asleep. She's gone.  
Tears are now falling freely down my face. I start whispering to her, telling her how much I love her and need her back. Two paramedics come up to me, pulling me away from her. "You can't leave me." I yell. "Please come back." I turn my distraught face to the paramedic. "Why won't she come back?" I ask, like a lost little child. The paramedic doesn't know how to answer. Libby comes over to me, pulling me into a hug. Both of us sobbing.  
  
"Danny, I need to tell you something." Danny looked at me, taking in my red eyes full of sorrow. He closed his eyes, he guessed. "It's Sam, isn't it?" I sighed, tears coming to me again. "I'm so sorry." Danny looked at me in complete shock. He opened his mouth to say something, but was unable to form the words. I watched as a mix of emotions came over his face, anger, confusion, and grief. I felt so sorry for him. Him and Samantha had been the best of friends. Looking at him, his eyes blank, tears pouring down his face I imagined the pain he was going through, a pain a lot like my own.  
Danny looked at me, broken, shattered, "Why?" His simple question hit me hard. Why had it been Samantha? She didn't deserve this, she should still be here with us, living her life. "I don't know." I decided to answer. Danny looked away from me, and gazed out the window. He stared out for a long time, an empty look in his eyes.  
I sighed. Things would never be the same.  
  
"Hi Vivian." I said, walking over to where she was standing.  
"Hey Martin. Did all the hostages get out? Did you find Sydn-" she stopped in the middle of her sentence, seeing the look of despair on my face. She looked puzzled. "What's wrong?" I sighed, wondering why I had decided to be the person to tell everyone.  
"It's Samantha." She looked closely at me, knowing only something really bad could cause that look to be on my face.  
"What happened? She's okay though? I mean..." Her voice cracked, knowing that she wasn't okay.  
I shook my head. "She's gone." I watched Vivian's face crumple in front of me, and I saw that same look of sorrow I had seen again and again this long night.  
"What happened?" she asked, through the tears.  
"She got shot, it was an accident though." I had to get through the facts before tears came to me again. It was hard telling the others, seeing the looks on their faces. It made it more real everytime I saw those looks.  
Vivian shut her eyes, shut them against reality, not wanting to believe it. "Oh God." she whispered, tears now flowing fast down her face.  
  
Jack had finally convinced Barry to come out. Jack stood in the street outside the shop, almost as if he was waiting for me to come and talk to him. I cringed, not wanting to have to tell him. Gathering courage I walked over to him.  
"Hey Jack." I said quietly.  
"Hey. Did Samantha get to hospital? Is she okay?" he asked, distractedly looking around. Looking for what, I don't know.  
"Jack." I said. It must have been the tone of my voice that caused him to stare at me intently. He too saw my red eyes, and tear streaked face.  
"What happened?" he said, trying to read me.  
"It's Samantha, she didn't make it." "What?" he croaked. "She was okay, I mean she seemed okay. Wasn't she?" "They said she lost too much blood, and her body just shut down." I whispered, recalling the later conversation with the doctors.  
"So she's gone?" said Jack despairingly.  
"I'm sorry." I said, not knowing how to comfort him, the man who was in love with the woman I loved.  
Jack took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts, before also breaking down in tears. Like the others.  
  
Its been a week since it happened, and I'm back at her grave holding a fresh bunch of flowers, the flowers from yesterday, and the day before and the day before that are still there "Why did you leave?" I ask. "I need you here. I need you with me. Why did you leave me alone?" Fresh tears watering the fresh flowers in my hand. "The others aren't coping too well either. Danny's so different, he hardly smiles or laughs anymore. None of us really do. God Sam, why did you have to leave. I love you so much you know. We all really miss you. Everyone misses you, there are so many people who come up to us, and say how special you were to them. You never knew how many people you helped, how many people admired you." I miss her so much, it's a constant ache, the pain never dying down. My feeling never changing. She is needed here, but I've come to realise she is in a better place, away from all the sadness and evil that is here. She is up in Heaven, with the angels where she belonged. She could finally rest, in peace.  
"I love you." I whisper, "When my time is done we'll be together again. I promise. I will find you." 


End file.
